I'm not Fat ...I'm just Fluffy !(✿◠‿◠)

Have you ever done this?

Had a few hours to yourself and decided to seize this rare opportunity to hit a sale at your favorite shop as you will be in desperate need of work clothes in a few months. Then, upon entering said store, grabbed a million items, giddy that you had hours to try on outfits.....


In the midst of your shopping high, were you so delusional that you only grabbed Mediums because while they were held in front of your body they looked totally freaking HUGE? Surely, they will hang off of your body as though you hadn’t eaten in weeks - only to be confronted with the sad reality that is wrestling your child-bearing-ravaged body into this tiny shell of fabric. Despite your heroic attempts to “suck it in”, no amount of bodily contortion will keep you from looking like a ridiculous love-child of a sausage and Michelin man.

Looking at your reflection in the all-too-accurate mirrors, did these thoughts ever cross your mind?
-Thank gawd there are no cameras in this change room. There are NO cameras, right? Because otherwise there would be a witness to my comical attempt to get this shirt off without ripping any seams. A witness to my terrified expression as I realize my arms are pinned and useless and that I may have to cry out for a sales woman to bring the jaws of life to rescue me.

-Nobody should ever, ever look at her back view in the mirror, unless she’s trying to induce tears. Why, hello demonic Back Fat! Are you having a good time at the party underneath my bra and at the top of my waistline? F#@k~!!!!

-It seems as though my belly is far too loyal and ignored my impassioned firing of it months ago. It has also hired on 1000 of its closest friends to hang out on my back.

-Why, why, why does every shirt here either look like it’s pseudo maternity wear, or contain enough spandex in it to highlight every surprising pocket of fat? (Happy empire line shirts, where the hell are you?).

Humbled by your thoughts, you suck it up, and purchase a couple of Large black and or gray items (even though you swore you’d branch out into actual colors) that do a half-assed job of hiding your more than half an ass and adjacent neighbourhoods of fatty goodness. You assure yourself that when you escape the hospital dungeon that involves not enough free hours of the day needed to banish all of this unwanted squishiness, you will exercise at lunch hour. You will run again. You will do yoga in your work place .

Retail therapy is suddenly less therapeutic..... !!!!!!

A man is the architect of his own fate ... and sometimes the fate of others.

Have you ever thought about the choices you’ve made in your life so far and how they have got you to where you are now? Life is nothing but a big series of choices we must make and those choices lead us down one path or another. Sometimes we make choices without even thinking about it. Sometimes we stress and stress over a choice that needs to be made. Sometimes it seems as if a choice has been made for us and we have no say. But in the end, your life is determined by the choices you make everyday.

I often wonder about the concept of fate and pre-destination vs. free will and how much each one plays a role in where I end up in my life. Sometimes I think even if I make the wrong choice, somehow I will still end up where I need to be, it will just be a much more difficult or different road I take to get there.

That’s why I try not to stress out about my choices anymore. I know who I am and I trust my decision making ability. I don’t think I’m infallible. I know I will make mistakes sometimes, but I trust that no matter what, I am going to end up where I am meant to be.

I am trying to trust my gut in most instances though. I really think women especially have a keen gut instinct that is usually a good guide. Maybe it is the momma bear protection that is built in to us. We can often tell when something is off. Usually it is when we ignore our gut instincts that we end up in trouble.

I think God is ultimately in control of where I end up in my life (He controls my “fate”), but I know choices are important and a deciding factor in the type of journey I have!

I try not to look back too much because then I know I will start to play the “what if” game. And what's done is done, you can't change that. I just try to trust that no matter what choice I make I will somehow end up where I am meant to be. It’s just a matter of how difficult, exciting, painful, joyful, interesting, or easy I want to that journey to be.

one of my favourite quotes :

“We can try to avoid making choices by doing nothing, but even that is a decision.” ~Gary Collins.

What do you guys think of the issue of fate vs. free will (choice)?

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Scars On My soUL !!

The thing is, I haven’t given my heart a rest for the longest time, and maybe it’s high time I did. I’ve given my all when it comes to these things, and I’ve gotten pretty messed up over time. I’ve allowed myself to be walked all over, to be taken for granted, to be given nothing but empty words and meaningless promises, all for nothing. I hate to have to keep a scorecard, but I’m sure I’d hate it much more if I brought nothing to the table. Which is completely the opposite of how I’ve been all this time.
It’s time I stopped putting up with that. It’s time for me to recognize that while I’m far from perfect, I’m far from worthless.I’ve forgotten how it feels to be a pompous, sanctimonious bitch. Well, that girl is back, and she’s never been better. I’ve heard it more than enough times: I need to love myself again, and if I can’t, let self-preservation kick in. Well, it has kicked in, and I now chuck away all my benefit of the doubt and general niceties in favour of just looking out for myself when I feel the need to.

**BoOm** chicka wah wah .....BoNKing!!!

SEX.....takes way too much of most people’s attention. In fact, for some men the only time they probably are not thinking about sex is when they are actually having it...or getting acquainted with Mrs. Palm and her five daughters .

For us women it is more talking about men’s desire for sex and laughing at the men, thinking that we have em all figured out…then we eventually sometimes regain our sanity. .

We women think there is something to figure out about men but there really isn’t. If you could see inside the typical man’s mind you’d see…SeX…sports…SEx…eat…SEX…sports again…take a dump… and also a lot more SEX. And that’s about it. Oh and I did forget beer for some of them too...See , the problem is GOD gave men a brain and a penis , and only enough blood to run one at a time ....it really doesn’t get a whole lot more complicated than that.

But if you looked into a woman’s mind it would be a whole different story…”What is he thinking?”…”What is she thinking?”… “Does my ass look big in these jeans?”…”Why did he look at me like that?”…”Was he just flirting with me?”…”Should I have sex with him?”… “Am I gaining weight?”…”Yes, my ass is definitely too fat for these jeans.”…ad infinitum.

Men enjoy simple things....... like to hear facts like a male rat will have sex 20 times a day Or that the male lion will often have sex up to 50 times a day. (Ah, yes. I guess it feels good to be the king.)

We woman would more likely complicate those simple facts and ask, ”What is that male lion thinking about when he is making all these conquests. Is he trying to prove his masculinity? I wonder if that lion would think my ass is too big for these jeans?” You get the idea.?? I know you women agree with me..

Yes, it is true that some men are idiots too but that just adds to their charm.

Men, they really aren’t thinking anything at all complex when we women are trying to figure out what the men are thinking. Very often they are just staring off into space. Many times men don’t think of what they are saying before they say it and that often gets them in trouble with us. We woman then think men have some sinister plot going on, that’s why they said that mean thing. The fact is they were just too stupid to think that thought through to an end and it gets them in trouble....

They say men lie because we women ask too many questions ........I think men lie for the same reason as to why they have nipples ...there's no rhyme or reason to it ...

So,my fellow mamaciTas, we will have to forgive them and stop thinking they have more on their minds than we do. They are not actually that complicated. But while men may not always be as smart as us.

They are also not complete morons. They are never going to give us an honest answer on the question, “Do these jeans make my ass look fat?” Because Big or small they still do want to do the horizontal mambo with You...

I mean, it's high time we open our minds a little bit to the male psyche and see the honesty in all the lies....

VeNus FLy TraP !!

Hey! You!

Yeah, I'm talking to you with that...."I've got nearly enuff on my plate but I'd like a serving of you dressed in nothing more than oil"

You know,I'd just love to kiss you...that sort of kissing urge that just leads on and on to all senses tingling and screaming and begging for more.I'd really like to kiss you - can you tell?

And then,My hands as the servants of an exploratory mind would search your face...Your neck,that smooth highway from your mind to your physique..

I'd like to take the lobe of your ear between my teeth and tease your aural sensibilities with the ramblings of my tongue....I'd like to look deep down into your eyes and open up your soul to searing scrutiny...I'd wrap my aura around yours to form psychedelia.

I'd like to use my nails against your back and send morse messages of lust and desire... .

I'd like to take you on that roller-coaster where every loop is the crest of a breaking wave that spirals down and around and back until ups and downs seem no more like directions but a never-ending montage.

I'd like to meld our bodies into one joyous ball of energy bouncing on the pleasurable see-saw of ecstasy and bliss.

But I won't.

For,

I'm not that sort of girl.

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Warning: THIS IS A jOKE !! if you cant take a joke then maybe you should get back in the kitchen and whip yourself up a sense of humor .

Do you need to "AcT like a LAdY ..ThinK likE A mAn"!?

"Men"

that one-word utterance represents our collective female frustration with members of the opposite sex. Men say they don't understand women. Well, guess what? We don't understand men.

John Gray, Ph.D., told us that "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" (whether we've found agreeable middle ground here on Earth continues to be up for debate) and Greg Behrendt told us "He's Just Not That Into You," but when Steve Harvey popped up with a book that promised to tell we women, once and for all, what's going on in mens heads, well, how could I resist?

Now what woman in her right mind would want to voluntarily "think like a man"?
Sorry I cannot I am a WOMAN!! Sheeeesh kebab !

I'd prefer the book to be called "Act like a lady in public and think like a ho in bed"
Hell Ya...... I can do that!

The interesting thing is that, the book is written by a MAN, who is supposedly sharing secrets that men don't tell us!....Seriously..that's a joke right?

This guy also goes on and states that the ONLY way a woman can truely be completely SATISFIED, is, to get herself four, thats right, "F O U R" different men, to satisfy her different needs.

1. The old man (financial security) - sits around the house with you, spends his pension check on you, hugs you, holds you, gives you comfort, and won't expect any sex from you because he can't "get it up" anyway...lol.

2. The ugly one (gives you all the attention you seek) - whatever you need - run you down the grocery store, wash your car, babysit your cat - he'll provide because he's happy someone as beautiful as you is paying him any kind of attention.

3. The Mandingo man (sex) - he's big, he's not necessarily that smart, but he's got the yummy physique - that's all you want from him, and he makes sure he gives it to you real good - mind blowing sex!

4. The gay guy (gossip-mate) - someone you can go shopping with,who doesn't want anything from you but gossip and details about what the old man bought you, which errands you sent the ugly guy to take care of, and exactly how Mandingo had you doing monkey flips for a week...all the conversation you need.

…. I'm afraid if women followed the principles in this book, we would simply end up old and alone. .

The author is sharing secrets that some men have. He's basing his book on his discussions with his friends - a self-selected group of likemindeds. I'm sure he speaks for a segment of men, but I doubt it's all men.. MEN are not all alike !!

I know I'm gonna sound Cliché.....

Yikes !
But there is no "secret" to a happy relationship. It is like ANYTHING else in life... WORK!!

This book is just another one of those self-help thingies our parents and grandparent generations never needed.

But I'm curious to know how men feel about what Steve Harvey has to say. Is he basically spot on? Full of crap? Has he oversimplified? Under-simplified? Revealed too much?

What say you?



Arrrggghhh !!!
.........Now I think I need to cry, and then punch something. Followed by a good chat about how I feel when I cry and punch, followed by a stop at the BEER bar. Then I will buy me some shoes...

CheeRs tO aLL my MamaciTa frienDS n Foe .......

"ApPy WoMANS dAY "

Unshackle that Heart of Yours!

An email I received caught my attention and gave me a big ol' chuckle too. It's advertising a teleseminar focused on "surviving" Valentine's Day. Wow, what a harsh way to describe the lucrative anti-single fest. Didn't really give it much thought until later. It dawned on me that V-Day used to be on my list of "why it sux to be single".

I stopped dreading facing a mate-less V-Day a few years ago when me and my close girlfriend celebrated the day by going to dinner, sipping on some tasty drinks and making fun of all the couples who looked like they'd rather be at home scrubbing the gunk off the oven walls than hang out with their beloved. That experience taught me that these superficial days are what you make them. Sure, sitting home feeling bad about being solo is easy and cheap, but why do that when you don't have to? It may be a day for "lovers", but I'd rather hang with friends I love.

Oops...back to the topic at hand. The email got me thinking...if I used to countdown the days approaching V-Day like I was heading to the firing squad, I'm quite sure it's way more common than I think. I've made a conscious decision to change my mindset to benefit me.

Whether you plan to wrap up in a snuggie and nurse a box of Patchi or partake in an all-out love fest...do what will make you happy. I'm declaring this a "hate-free Valentine's Day"! Heck, if you don't have a valentine, I'll be yours...will you be mine? (yikes!)

Happy Valentine's Day, (seriously!)

What's Complimenting Got To Do With It?

Hello Bunnays and puPpays. Just sharing my thoughts with you .....My girlfriends and I were debating about a particular topic.

I was telling my girlfriends in a joking way that I saw this beautiful woman with a nice a$$. After my statement my friend said " homo!". I instantly got annoyed.
Why can’t another secure beautiful woman compliment another beautiful, pretty, fabulous, sexy, hot, voluptuous woman? So she had a nice body, why not tell her? It’s not like I said "lemme jump your bones, honey" or whatever.
However, I have been and currently am working hard to lose those extra pounds and working towards a Bootylicious Me. women and men compliment me all the time and I thank them and smile. Their compliments actually motivate me to continue to maintain my body and stay healthy.It’s the little things that make me smile.
Most of us Women have relied on men so much to tell us how beautiful we are. Some women try so hard to impress men by getting plastic surgery, butt implants, breast implants, etc. So many of us women are walking around with low self-esteem because a man hasn’t told us we are pretty yet (or pretty enough).
Ladies,I have realized that we don’t need validation or compliments, All you have to do is compliment another woman, please. I feel more special when a woman compliments me instead of a man simply because I feel like it’s an honor actually. when a man compliments you ...

For so many years women have competed, trying to outdo one another and acting out of jealousy instead of telling each other how they really feel. Words are very powerful. We all are guilty of using words to put people down and hurt feelings. Instead, why not lift a person up and tell them they’re beautiful if you know they are? I know beauty when I see it and I love beautiful people inside and out, so when I see anything beautiful I am not afraid to speak my mind and compliment.

“Its beauty that captures your attention, But its the personality which captures your heart.”

Rediscovered !!

“Don’t wait for others to praise you or motivate you. You are your best friend. If there is a small change be sure you will notice before others. Be happy for every tiny change you see”