I'm still busy picking up the pieces of my broken heart.

A lot of people come to ask me how my lovelife is. But for every person who asks me this question, to tell you the truth, I don’t know what to answer. So I take a few moments to think about it and I answer this with a smile:

“I think its okay.

I am happy.

It’s not like I can’t be happy without a guy in my life.”
And it’s true. But only part of it. I admit I feel lonely sometimes. It’s like my heart misses a certain “feeling”. It hasn’t beaten the way it did some months ago. The feeling of loving someone and be loved back is really a great feeling.

After everything, I have concluded that relationships are so hard to handle. Like what I told my friend, to start a relationship you should be emotionally, spiritually, physically, everything-ally ready. If your answer is yes, then, you are ready for a relationship.

This may sound a little weird because you might think I’m taking relationships very seriously. But I think relationships should really be taken seriously. Because playing with a person’s heart is not the way it should be. I mean it’s ridiculous. People who play with other people’s hearts are ridiculous. They are insane. They should be placed behind bars! (haha! Am I being mean? maybe, because I am bitter!)

I am so scared to give my heart to anyone. Because this time when I gave my heart away, it returned to me in little pieces. Broken pieces, actually. The problem is I don’t know how to actually put it all together again. Until I realized I’m still busy picking up the pieces of my broken heart. Up to this day.The damage is too deep.

But one thing i have realised after the pain. It proved that I am a stronger person. And it’s a reminder for me to be more careful.Although, it’s not an assurance.


There is no perfect person or a perfect relationship. There is only a perfect couple who will never give up on each other.

If you can say goodbye to one you love, you can do ANYTHING.,,.... riding the emotional roller coaster !!!!

I've been on an emotional roller coaster for the past few days....its been life altering..giving me a new outlook on what I want to do and why; however, creating new and opening old wounds in the process.....i have learned that if you can say GOOD-BYE to the one you love ,you can do anything ....
At first i was in shock..as the shock weared off ..grief arrived.................
Next, a whole emotional circus stirs: "I'm free. I'm relieved. Yet I'm devastated. I'm furious, hopeful, afraid." My feelings broaden into a multicolored panorama. They included everything from the awesome sense of liberation I felt as a kid on the last day of school, to the nightmare sense that I just failed in my final exam. Back and forth...!!!
Everyone seems so eager to give me easy answers. Too few of those answers make complete and immediate sense. My sole certainty is that I hurt, really hurt, right now. That which had once seemed comforting has been wrested away from me. I find myself in murky darkness. I need strong, clear light, and all those near me have to offer is candles and matches.
Sad songs make sense like never before. I feel vindicated and defiant all the time, I am more wide open than usual, more vulnerable.
THE TRUTH IS, no one knows what's best for me. And there's a very good reason for that. No one really understands my personal experience like i do.
The hurt I feel contaminates all of my ongoing efforts to relate to other people. I am running into the same dilemma all over again , am I prepared to once again give up a piece of my heart?
I just pray that I can be strong.....Ultimately, life is not what you get, but what you give, Even if people don't appreciate what you have done, it doesn't matter because you have done what has brought you joy and humility....
I guess I'll close by saying this, it's important to live life the best that you can, as you only have one. Pick your battles wisely. And most importantly, never forget those before you and make a way for those to come.

Bum..i never wanted to say GOOD-BYE, thawt v wud always be friends ................never wanted to LOSE YOU !!!
you were by bestest friend ...i miss you sOooO MUCH and always will !!!!


I will not walk with YOU again
Beside a mountain stream;
Or down a quiet woodland path
Sharing all YOUR dreams.

I will not hear YOUR special laugh
Or know YOUR teasing ways;
No secrets shared, no looking for
YOUR smile to light my days.

I will not see YOU "digging in"
To all YOUR favorite meals;
Nor laugh or cry or hold YOU
Through all the things YOU feel.

I will not feel YOUR special hugs
And hold YOU in my arms;
Nor be manipulated by
YOUR smile...YOUR talk...YOUR charm.

But though its GOOD-BYE, within my heart
Are precious memories of
These special things...surrounded by
endless love........!!!

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU !!!

BUBYEE MY FWEND !!!

"NO MATTER WHAT "

Have you ever done something while saying to yourself, "I'll do this NO MATTER WHAT!"?

For me today was the time... It felt good, it did.
It was a bit scary, committing like that, but it sure felt strong, that something mattered so much to me that I was willing to put all my bet on it !!
NO MATTER WHAT !!!

We need more NO MATTER WHATs in our lives. More risks worth taking, more challenges worth overcoming, for purposes that have always been clear to us.

I will do this no matter what because even in a single moment, I have felt alive. My life had meaning. I felt special.

I will do this no matter what because an eternity without it would be meaningless. This is the moment that matters. This is the moment that I live my fullest.

I will do this no matter what because this person is important to me. If I lose this person, I would forever lose a part of myself and I cannot afford that.

NO MATTER WHAT.!!!!!

How about you? What are you willing to do NO MATTER WHAT?

GOAN !!!!

People believe that the folks from Goa (also called "Goanese")..I would have skipped the issue if the term "Goanese" was used by folks who were simply unaware of linguistics.FYI....its GOAN and not GOANESE ....!!!!



Anywho -Some one forwarded this article to me (You know you are goan if ..) I am sure that quite a number of vintage readers like myself will identify with the penultimate line below..

You know you are a Goan if........... No matter where you go in the world you will find another Goan named

DaCosta, DeMelo, D'Souza, Fernandes, Monteiro or Rodrigues.

You have six middle names, most of which you can't pronounce. You have annoying nicknames like Petus, Babush (or Busha, Bostiao or Popot!)

I can identify only with 2 of the criteria for being a Goan:- Does this mean I'm not Goan? Tell me quickly!

Surname is CORREIA.... & yes I do have 1 middle name but not 6, but thank goodness for that ...
You are really confused if you are Portuguese..... Heaven forbid Indian!

I dont understand that statement about Portuguese & Indian either.Somewhere this article which was sent to me has got me confused & made a booboo!!! & I'm really confused!

And I do know that some mangoes are called Alfons & some are called Mancorad but didnt know they were Portuguese names - ha ha! Thought they got those names because someone with those surnames grew them in their compound.

You call everybody who is brown and not Goan "bingtakar" and make fun of them in Konkani.

What is bingtakar? - I must be really dim! and not a Goan to boot! boohoo...
You interject "what", "men", and "re"(ray) in every line of your conversation You show you are listening to the conversation by saying "really?" or "you don't say!" You call an older person you've never met before "uncle" or "auntie"

I think someone is out to prove I'm not a Goan!
Everyone is a family friend.

Are you kidding?

Your family is fighting over property they inherited from someone else.

No knowledge!
You think you can sing.

Hey there, I dont "think" I can sing, I "know" I can sing & sing I do - in the bathroom, in the club, at the parties, in the church - gosh!

You make tea in a saucepan.

Sorry I drink tea only once a day & that too I use a teabag, easier & time is not wasted .

You see pictures of the Caribbean and you say "it's just like Goa". You go back to Goa and people treat you like a member of the royal family.

Hmm! didnt get these two either - tubelight still to light up!
Havent been to the Caribbean yet, will let you know my comment when I do reach there.
Royal Family? didnt see any tiaras yet! Still get to do the dirty work of running from pillar to post.

You wash your butt quickly when you hear the pig grunting.. oink oink!!

In olden times, not anymore - the oink oink has turned to swish swish gurgle!!! Ha ha! but this one sure made me laugh.

I can see you are one of the true Goans, especially the one who sent me this article - paka ...100%... yeh yeh

What erroneous conclusions & what firm statements - jeez!

Have a great day wherever you may be!!!!!!.

ApPY vALenTiNEs !!!!!

Dayum!!!! that day is approaching soon. Yesterday, before leaving for work my friend wished me "Appy Valentines Day." I won't see her for another week or so, so she gave me early wishes. Thanks, that made my day =) I could go on my usual V-day tirade and gripe for all the other lonesome losers out there, but I'll reserve myself... for now atleast. Besides, I am on call that night, so I won't be able to pelt those happy couples with skittles as they cuddle up to one another at the movies. Just kidding... or am I... muhahaha! Anywhos, this day is funny to me, well at least how people act on this day.
There are some folks that wait until February 14th to tell that special someone that they love them, or show their affection for them by showering them with candies, flowers, and what not... actions that can be as shallow as the words associated with them. Or the folks that try to do something extra special for that someone they are interested in, only to get shot down on the day because that person that is being pined after has made plans with someone else... talk about a stab to the heart and kick to the stomach at the same time!
Hopefully, people are not waiting until February 14th to tell either that special someone, friends, and family how they feel. Those little random acts of kindness tend to be a bit more meaningful and heartfelt, and the recipient will be much more appreciative than you ever expected (or atleast they should for goodness sakes!). So,no need for V-day for me to have a reason to tell you I love and care about you"to all the folks that are in my little circle -- including family, friends, associates, and new acquaintances. Although I won't turn down any chocolates, gift certificates, or Flowers if you wanna swing some my way.

Am I really a ...PAIN????

In life we all experience our ups and downs. Even if many of us would like life to be pretty much simple or perfect. However, this is far from reality. In life there is a balance between happiness and sadness. The sources that lead to either feeling may vary.
How true is this saying? Have you noticed that the people you care about the most, the people who are closest to you are the ones you hurt the most?..
Last night I experienced sadness to the core someone I really cared about called me .........a PAIN (pain as in a bothersome annoying person...someone that causes trouble, a source of unhappiness ).....that night I cried a river, I waited to see if things got better, but they didnt ,they remain the same.Have you ever gone to sleep late and then had to get up only a few hours later? No sleep. I don't trust anyone.Grief. Frightened. Agitated. Worried. That's how I felt that nite. Your mind then feels fuzzy all day, like you're high on some type of drug, but you're not really. And your head continues to hurt..All i wanted to tell him was that he hurt me! I won't use big words; hurt is harsh enough! No lies, just the truth.He hurt me! And all I said was "okay forget it". But what I meant was, "how could you do that to me? When did you begin to hate me? Was there an exact time? When did my friendship stop being sacred?


Why did you hurt me, now I’m always sad?
My question to you is why?
If you don’t know the answer, please don’t try.....


When someone has hurt us, it's all too easy to just throw our hands up and walk away from it all. That's the easy way out, but it's also the losing way. You and the person that hurt you both lose out because you lose each other.
Sometimes, though not always, a person will say something that hurts because they are stressed out or going through really rough times. They use us as bouncing board, someone to vent their frustrations out. But rather than vent what's really going on, the stress comes out as hurtful words to us.
How should i handle this??? Do I choose to see the hurtful words for what they most likely are, Stress and frustration at something in life, or do I take it personal (which it probably isn't at all) and get angry and upset and just walk away.????


"When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward."