VeNus FLy TraP !!

Hey! You!

Yeah, I'm talking to you with that...."I've got nearly enuff on my plate but I'd like a serving of you dressed in nothing more than oil"

You know,I'd just love to kiss you...that sort of kissing urge that just leads on and on to all senses tingling and screaming and begging for more.I'd really like to kiss you - can you tell?

And then,My hands as the servants of an exploratory mind would search your face...Your neck,that smooth highway from your mind to your physique..

I'd like to take the lobe of your ear between my teeth and tease your aural sensibilities with the ramblings of my tongue....I'd like to look deep down into your eyes and open up your soul to searing scrutiny...I'd wrap my aura around yours to form psychedelia.

I'd like to use my nails against your back and send morse messages of lust and desire... .

I'd like to take you on that roller-coaster where every loop is the crest of a breaking wave that spirals down and around and back until ups and downs seem no more like directions but a never-ending montage.

I'd like to meld our bodies into one joyous ball of energy bouncing on the pleasurable see-saw of ecstasy and bliss.

But I won't.

For,

I'm not that sort of girl.

.

Warning: THIS IS A jOKE !! if you cant take a joke then maybe you should get back in the kitchen and whip yourself up a sense of humor .

Do you need to "AcT like a LAdY ..ThinK likE A mAn"!?

"Men"

that one-word utterance represents our collective female frustration with members of the opposite sex. Men say they don't understand women. Well, guess what? We don't understand men.

John Gray, Ph.D., told us that "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" (whether we've found agreeable middle ground here on Earth continues to be up for debate) and Greg Behrendt told us "He's Just Not That Into You," but when Steve Harvey popped up with a book that promised to tell we women, once and for all, what's going on in mens heads, well, how could I resist?

Now what woman in her right mind would want to voluntarily "think like a man"?
Sorry I cannot I am a WOMAN!! Sheeeesh kebab !

I'd prefer the book to be called "Act like a lady in public and think like a ho in bed"
Hell Ya...... I can do that!

The interesting thing is that, the book is written by a MAN, who is supposedly sharing secrets that men don't tell us!....Seriously..that's a joke right?

This guy also goes on and states that the ONLY way a woman can truely be completely SATISFIED, is, to get herself four, thats right, "F O U R" different men, to satisfy her different needs.

1. The old man (financial security) - sits around the house with you, spends his pension check on you, hugs you, holds you, gives you comfort, and won't expect any sex from you because he can't "get it up" anyway...lol.

2. The ugly one (gives you all the attention you seek) - whatever you need - run you down the grocery store, wash your car, babysit your cat - he'll provide because he's happy someone as beautiful as you is paying him any kind of attention.

3. The Mandingo man (sex) - he's big, he's not necessarily that smart, but he's got the yummy physique - that's all you want from him, and he makes sure he gives it to you real good - mind blowing sex!

4. The gay guy (gossip-mate) - someone you can go shopping with,who doesn't want anything from you but gossip and details about what the old man bought you, which errands you sent the ugly guy to take care of, and exactly how Mandingo had you doing monkey flips for a week...all the conversation you need.

…. I'm afraid if women followed the principles in this book, we would simply end up old and alone. .

The author is sharing secrets that some men have. He's basing his book on his discussions with his friends - a self-selected group of likemindeds. I'm sure he speaks for a segment of men, but I doubt it's all men.. MEN are not all alike !!

I know I'm gonna sound Cliché.....

Yikes !
But there is no "secret" to a happy relationship. It is like ANYTHING else in life... WORK!!

This book is just another one of those self-help thingies our parents and grandparent generations never needed.

But I'm curious to know how men feel about what Steve Harvey has to say. Is he basically spot on? Full of crap? Has he oversimplified? Under-simplified? Revealed too much?

What say you?



Arrrggghhh !!!
.........Now I think I need to cry, and then punch something. Followed by a good chat about how I feel when I cry and punch, followed by a stop at the BEER bar. Then I will buy me some shoes...

CheeRs tO aLL my MamaciTa frienDS n Foe .......

"ApPy WoMANS dAY "

Unshackle that Heart of Yours!

An email I received caught my attention and gave me a big ol' chuckle too. It's advertising a teleseminar focused on "surviving" Valentine's Day. Wow, what a harsh way to describe the lucrative anti-single fest. Didn't really give it much thought until later. It dawned on me that V-Day used to be on my list of "why it sux to be single".

I stopped dreading facing a mate-less V-Day a few years ago when me and my close girlfriend celebrated the day by going to dinner, sipping on some tasty drinks and making fun of all the couples who looked like they'd rather be at home scrubbing the gunk off the oven walls than hang out with their beloved. That experience taught me that these superficial days are what you make them. Sure, sitting home feeling bad about being solo is easy and cheap, but why do that when you don't have to? It may be a day for "lovers", but I'd rather hang with friends I love.

Oops...back to the topic at hand. The email got me thinking...if I used to countdown the days approaching V-Day like I was heading to the firing squad, I'm quite sure it's way more common than I think. I've made a conscious decision to change my mindset to benefit me.

Whether you plan to wrap up in a snuggie and nurse a box of Patchi or partake in an all-out love fest...do what will make you happy. I'm declaring this a "hate-free Valentine's Day"! Heck, if you don't have a valentine, I'll be yours...will you be mine? (yikes!)

Happy Valentine's Day, (seriously!)

What's Complimenting Got To Do With It?

Hello Bunnays and puPpays. Just sharing my thoughts with you .....My girlfriends and I were debating about a particular topic.

I was telling my girlfriends in a joking way that I saw this beautiful woman with a nice a$$. After my statement my friend said " homo!". I instantly got annoyed.
Why can’t another secure beautiful woman compliment another beautiful, pretty, fabulous, sexy, hot, voluptuous woman? So she had a nice body, why not tell her? It’s not like I said "lemme jump your bones, honey" or whatever.
However, I have been and currently am working hard to lose those extra pounds and working towards a Bootylicious Me. women and men compliment me all the time and I thank them and smile. Their compliments actually motivate me to continue to maintain my body and stay healthy.It’s the little things that make me smile.
Most of us Women have relied on men so much to tell us how beautiful we are. Some women try so hard to impress men by getting plastic surgery, butt implants, breast implants, etc. So many of us women are walking around with low self-esteem because a man hasn’t told us we are pretty yet (or pretty enough).
Ladies,I have realized that we don’t need validation or compliments, All you have to do is compliment another woman, please. I feel more special when a woman compliments me instead of a man simply because I feel like it’s an honor actually. when a man compliments you ...

For so many years women have competed, trying to outdo one another and acting out of jealousy instead of telling each other how they really feel. Words are very powerful. We all are guilty of using words to put people down and hurt feelings. Instead, why not lift a person up and tell them they’re beautiful if you know they are? I know beauty when I see it and I love beautiful people inside and out, so when I see anything beautiful I am not afraid to speak my mind and compliment.

“Its beauty that captures your attention, But its the personality which captures your heart.”

Rediscovered !!

“Don’t wait for others to praise you or motivate you. You are your best friend. If there is a small change be sure you will notice before others. Be happy for every tiny change you see”

pUckER uP - its kissing time !

I am a hopeless romantic ... it's an undeniable fact. I'm all for handwritten love letters, cute little surprises, moderate amounts of PDA, and those borderline crazy, desperately in love, I-can't-live-without-you scenes that DON'T only happen in movies.

That being said, I'd like to share the 5 (very cliche, but also very romantic) kisses that I daydream about...

1. The First Kiss

This may seem simple and ordinary, but keep in mind, I know a couple who proclaimed they waited until MARRIAGE to have their first kiss!! I wouldn't be able to do that , it does remind us of how meaningful the first kiss can be....My first kiss (ever) was kind of traumatizing

... the guy used a lot of tongue and I basically fell over because he was so into it... I dreaded our next kiss... thank god it never happened .

2. The Kiss in the Pouring Rain

It would be slightly uncomfortable to get soaked, but wouldn't it be worth it?! To share a dramatic movie-scene kiss, just like in The Notebook and Sweet Home Alabama and probably a hundred other chick flicks. I'm not sure how I would go about planning this... not to mention, the guy would have to be okay with getting drenched. It's still fun to think about.

3. The Kiss Under the Mistletoe

Self-explanatory. It wouldn't need to be a make out session... a quick peck would be nice. It's just a cute, cheesy thing to do during the holidays. Extra points if you put it somewhere that isn't noticeable right away and lure your man into the trap! Hahahaha.

4. The New Year's Eve Kiss

Picture this - a late night party with a disco ball, fireworks lighting up the sky, people everywhere, and then... time stands still, and all of a sudden you only see one person in the room. Psh, yeah right !! that's not gonna happen. I spend my New Year's at home with a few friends, flipping through tv to see how Hong Kong's fireworks compare to Times Square in NY. If I ever do end up at a party, though, a kiss at midnight would surely make the countdown more exciting. And worthwhile.

5. The Wedding Day Kiss

I don't know how I'm going to make it through my wedding day without bawling like 5 times. I know I'm going to be emotional and it'll be a challenge keeping composure in front of everyone. Out of all the kisses on my list, this one would be the most meaningful of all... the first kiss as husband and wife. A kiss that will seal the deal for the rest of my life. I hope and pray that I will marry the right man!

Have you experienced any of these kisses? Can you think of any to add to the list?

SnEEz-GAsM !!

SNeeZgASm

Gosh !! I loves me a good sneeze. When I sneeze, I'm all in. If I'm standing up there's usually a straight-leg kick involved. If I'm sitting down, arms will flail. And they're loud.There is no point in sneezing if it is not a full body experience that involves all extremities and the entirety of your torso, all expelled through your face in a 700 mile-an-hour plume with the concussive force of a bird strike against a Boeing.

I acquired my devastating sneeze style because of my allergies that eventually merged into one never-ending soul-destroying miasma of mucoid misery. (Alliteration! Woo!) I grew bored with shouting "Ah-CHOO!" Who thought up "ah-choo" anyway? There's no reason it has to be that. I started with "Ah-HAAAH!" which made me sound like a brilliant inventor or an overenthusiastic detective, depending on the day. "Bla-hurrrgh!" was good, too, kind of a zombie sneeze, and "Wa-harrrrgh!" as well, which sounded like I was about to plunge off a cliff.Those were particularly satisfying, all guttural and fatalistic, especially if I got several in a row.

Some people don't know how to sneeze. They sneeze with a loud, sharp, half an "Ah!" followed by a soft "Choo!" that sounds almost exactly like a tiny Pikachu noise. Then they say "Excuse me." No one blesses them, because it's clear that they are embarrassed and guilty and deserve what's coming to them. Other people can't bring themselves to sneeze at all. They go "Knxthch!" and their eyes get momentarily huge. I don't understand such people!!

Although my allergies are not persistant ,I still have occasion to sneeze, and when I do I revel in the convulsive ballet of maxillary, trigeminal, and vagus nerves, the cascade of histamines, the spasm of the pharyngeal and tracheal muscles.


Sneezgasm : better than an orgasm ?

Well... dont think soOO

But, in general, much more acceptable at public places.