I dont miSS YOu ....... I miSS the PersOn I thawt You were !!

Now Playing : Grenade | BrunO Mars

Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, you did

To give me all your love is all I ever asked,

Cause what you don't understand is

I’d catch a grenade for ya ...................

Throw my hand on a blade for ya ........................

I’d jump in front of a train for ya .....................

You know I'd do anything for ya ..........................

I would go through all this pain,

Take a bullet straight through my brain,

Yes, I would die for ya baby;

But you won't do the same....

"You are the One " He Said !!

She logged into her Facebook account, cleared her current status and wrote something new. Then, she took a sip of her coffee and checked her notifications. Comments on status….on photos….on notes….on links….on posts….. she didn’t go to any of them. She opened the chat window and typed a “hi” and pressed the enter key!

The reply came after a few seconds. As soon as she read it her laptop screen turned scarlet. Her face was on the table, her eyes wide opened and the coffee spilled all over the floor.

Her breath was still searching for solace!

She could smell blood. She dragged her arms to the table and struggled to get up….to lift her head and look behind her. She failed herself. But still, she managed to move her big brown eyes towards the screen and read the messages in the chat window. He was still typing. There were question marks, too many dots, exclamation marks…..and words of worry!

Amidst the gory pool, her eyes cried. Her lips trembled. She felt someone’s presence.Someone was coming close…..and closer….and closer….until finally he stood right behind her.

The huge shadow made her heart beat slower. She was sweating. Her senses were leaving her body. And then….that someone put a full stop!

He held the knife and took it out from her neck with a jerk. Her arms left the table and hung down. Her eyes widened. Just one tear trickled down her right eye. The blood kept soaking her body. The buzz sound was still coming from her computer. She was pushed aside; she fell on the ground…..numb….turning blue…. He bent down to type...

“Go offline. She’s done!” At once came the reply…. “Well done.”

Her last whisper had an incomplete wish. “Take….ca (re)….”

He shoved her with his leg and walked over her. Before leaving the room, he looked back just once. But when he did, his conscience was filled with guilt and a weight too heavy to carry. His eyes were glued at her big brown eyes, the blood which coloured the boring marble floor, her dry lips, and the slit throat. Immediately after he noticed all this, he left. He didn’t want to die of such a huge guilt.

She opened the chat window and typed a “hi” and pressed the enter key! The reply came after a few seconds.

“Just beware; someone might come to kill you right now!”

As soon as she read it her white laptop screen turned scarlet................................

They say TIME heals all wounds ...but what abOut the SCARS ????

I have been hiding in my solitude and silence in the last three years; slipping away into the oblivion within. For all my love of words, too often they have failed to give expression to the feeling raging through my heart…

There’s music playing mournfully in the background here; but still this silence soaks my soul like the last wave of the turning tide reaching for and succeeding in its yearning for dry land. The silence roaring through these hollow cavities, my own private sea-caves, soothes me yet leaves me unsettled. At the end of the day, with caves overflowing, what is the use in silence? I wish now for poetic words and iridescent phrases to illuminate the dark spaces within. Only, there is nothing. Silence and stillness and a total absence of light to guide me.

I have made my decisions, these past three years, with a clear head but full heart. I have no regrets, just this ineffable sadness lurking throughout my rooms of memory.

I had faith in you ,trusted you , cared for you .I left no stone unturned but you fucked with my head with your bullshit. You consciously, knowingly, willingly did it.This makes you a horrible person, and I hope some day, you know, in a very personal manner, the pain you've caused me.The kinds of emotional wounds you’ve inflicted will take a long time to heal.

why did you scar my souL ???

The pain lies now in the lack of sensation; the total numbness of my hands and mouth and body when I recall that everything you did was a manipulation, after all. Every little word you said, though I believed it at the time, was self-serving.

All the nasty things you said to me- these words have lost none of their potency–only their utility.They fester inside me like an infection just under the skin, poisoning.

Do you see what you have done? You've driven me to words I can’t even TYPE. Words so foul and vile that they draw me inward, shivering at my own vehemence. This is what you did to me. This is who you are. You destroyed my innocence and wiped your dirty, grubby feet on my spirit.

God damn you !!!

Hope I never follow you to whatever Hell you’re going to, Karma’s a bitch. And you will know this pain, someday…three-fold.

We were meant to be ..bUt u never Let Us .... sO I Dream a LiL dReam ...

She had been this little girl. Actually, she has always been like that. But now, she was a grown up lady. All dressed up beautifully in a pristine white gown. Her finger had a platinum band that reminded her of the man who gave her that. She was moving her tongue inside her throat. She had a habit of doing that when she was nervous. All alone in the room, she sat on this couch with all the world's anxiety and excitement.

Her eyes had dark kohl. She rolled them around the room, just to catch a glimpse of her world. Her phone vibrated. She quickly picked it up.

"I'm coming. Be there!"

She smiled faintly. She was nervous... very very nervous... Her palms were sweaty. That's when her mother barged in and asked her to put the veil over her face. The sleek netted garment provided a slight cover from all the evil eyes. She went outside. Everyone was seated, patiently waiting for her... The Bride!...

She did not look up. Or should I say, she did not have the courage to. She was too shy. She walked gently, holding her father's arm firmly. At last, she reached him. He stood there... Straight.. Absolutely dashing. His black tux was shining bright! He smiled as he looked at her... Anxiety ruled her walk. At that time, when she came close to him and stood speechless, he whispered softly, "Don't worry. I'm here. Just relax and know that I love you."

She managed to look up and saw him from within her veil. He sighed as he looked into her eyes. They had tears. But she smiled.

Later that evening, she sat by the window of his room... still in her gown... She was looking at the platinum band he had given. She was emotional... and wanted to say so much. But words wouldn't come out! He came and hugged her from behind. She smiled and turned back.

"Of all the things I've ever prayed for, You remain the biggest wish coming true. Never had I thought that someone could love me more than my parents. You are... and you will... be the only one I dream of at night! You are the only one I will work with to make those dreams come true. You are the only one for whom I pray all day and all night. You are the only one to make me feel more beautiful than I actually am. You have been my everything... more than my life... and you will be... forevermore. I pray to God every morning and all I pray is that He gives you all the strength and power to fight. I do not pray to remove your problems.. that is not possible. The biggest truth of my life has always summed up to just three words... I Love You."

I'm not Fat ...I'm just Fluffy !(✿◠‿◠)

Have you ever done this?

Had a few hours to yourself and decided to seize this rare opportunity to hit a sale at your favorite shop as you will be in desperate need of work clothes in a few months. Then, upon entering said store, grabbed a million items, giddy that you had hours to try on outfits.....


In the midst of your shopping high, were you so delusional that you only grabbed Mediums because while they were held in front of your body they looked totally freaking HUGE? Surely, they will hang off of your body as though you hadn’t eaten in weeks - only to be confronted with the sad reality that is wrestling your child-bearing-ravaged body into this tiny shell of fabric. Despite your heroic attempts to “suck it in”, no amount of bodily contortion will keep you from looking like a ridiculous love-child of a sausage and Michelin man.

Looking at your reflection in the all-too-accurate mirrors, did these thoughts ever cross your mind?
-Thank gawd there are no cameras in this change room. There are NO cameras, right? Because otherwise there would be a witness to my comical attempt to get this shirt off without ripping any seams. A witness to my terrified expression as I realize my arms are pinned and useless and that I may have to cry out for a sales woman to bring the jaws of life to rescue me.

-Nobody should ever, ever look at her back view in the mirror, unless she’s trying to induce tears. Why, hello demonic Back Fat! Are you having a good time at the party underneath my bra and at the top of my waistline? F#@k~!!!!

-It seems as though my belly is far too loyal and ignored my impassioned firing of it months ago. It has also hired on 1000 of its closest friends to hang out on my back.

-Why, why, why does every shirt here either look like it’s pseudo maternity wear, or contain enough spandex in it to highlight every surprising pocket of fat? (Happy empire line shirts, where the hell are you?).

Humbled by your thoughts, you suck it up, and purchase a couple of Large black and or gray items (even though you swore you’d branch out into actual colors) that do a half-assed job of hiding your more than half an ass and adjacent neighbourhoods of fatty goodness. You assure yourself that when you escape the hospital dungeon that involves not enough free hours of the day needed to banish all of this unwanted squishiness, you will exercise at lunch hour. You will run again. You will do yoga in your work place .

Retail therapy is suddenly less therapeutic..... !!!!!!

A man is the architect of his own fate ... and sometimes the fate of others.

Have you ever thought about the choices you’ve made in your life so far and how they have got you to where you are now? Life is nothing but a big series of choices we must make and those choices lead us down one path or another. Sometimes we make choices without even thinking about it. Sometimes we stress and stress over a choice that needs to be made. Sometimes it seems as if a choice has been made for us and we have no say. But in the end, your life is determined by the choices you make everyday.

I often wonder about the concept of fate and pre-destination vs. free will and how much each one plays a role in where I end up in my life. Sometimes I think even if I make the wrong choice, somehow I will still end up where I need to be, it will just be a much more difficult or different road I take to get there.

That’s why I try not to stress out about my choices anymore. I know who I am and I trust my decision making ability. I don’t think I’m infallible. I know I will make mistakes sometimes, but I trust that no matter what, I am going to end up where I am meant to be.

I am trying to trust my gut in most instances though. I really think women especially have a keen gut instinct that is usually a good guide. Maybe it is the momma bear protection that is built in to us. We can often tell when something is off. Usually it is when we ignore our gut instincts that we end up in trouble.

I think God is ultimately in control of where I end up in my life (He controls my “fate”), but I know choices are important and a deciding factor in the type of journey I have!

I try not to look back too much because then I know I will start to play the “what if” game. And what's done is done, you can't change that. I just try to trust that no matter what choice I make I will somehow end up where I am meant to be. It’s just a matter of how difficult, exciting, painful, joyful, interesting, or easy I want to that journey to be.

one of my favourite quotes :

“We can try to avoid making choices by doing nothing, but even that is a decision.” ~Gary Collins.

What do you guys think of the issue of fate vs. free will (choice)?

.

Scars On My soUL !!

The thing is, I haven’t given my heart a rest for the longest time, and maybe it’s high time I did. I’ve given my all when it comes to these things, and I’ve gotten pretty messed up over time. I’ve allowed myself to be walked all over, to be taken for granted, to be given nothing but empty words and meaningless promises, all for nothing. I hate to have to keep a scorecard, but I’m sure I’d hate it much more if I brought nothing to the table. Which is completely the opposite of how I’ve been all this time.
It’s time I stopped putting up with that. It’s time for me to recognize that while I’m far from perfect, I’m far from worthless.I’ve forgotten how it feels to be a pompous, sanctimonious bitch. Well, that girl is back, and she’s never been better. I’ve heard it more than enough times: I need to love myself again, and if I can’t, let self-preservation kick in. Well, it has kicked in, and I now chuck away all my benefit of the doubt and general niceties in favour of just looking out for myself when I feel the need to.