I have been hiding in my solitude and silence in the last three years; slipping away into the oblivion within. For all my love of words, too often they have failed to give expression to the feeling raging through my heart…
There’s music playing mournfully in the background here; but still this silence soaks my soul like the last wave of the turning tide reaching for and succeeding in its yearning for dry land. The silence roaring through these hollow cavities, my own private sea-caves, soothes me yet leaves me unsettled. At the end of the day, with caves overflowing, what is the use in silence? I wish now for poetic words and iridescent phrases to illuminate the dark spaces within. Only, there is nothing. Silence and stillness and a total absence of light to guide me.
I have made my decisions, these past three years, with a clear head but full heart. I have no regrets, just this ineffable sadness lurking throughout my rooms of memory.
I had faith in you ,trusted you , cared for you .I left no stone unturned but you fucked with my head with your bullshit. You consciously, knowingly, willingly did it.This makes you a horrible person, and I hope some day, you know, in a very personal manner, the pain you've caused me.The kinds of emotional wounds you’ve inflicted will take a long time to heal.
why did you scar my souL ???
The pain lies now in the lack of sensation; the total numbness of my hands and mouth and body when I recall that everything you did was a manipulation, after all. Every little word you said, though I believed it at the time, was self-serving.
All the nasty things you said to me- these words have lost none of their potency–only their utility.They fester inside me like an infection just under the skin, poisoning.
Do you see what you have done? You've driven me to words I can’t even TYPE. Words so foul and vile that they draw me inward, shivering at my own vehemence. This is what you did to me. This is who you are. You destroyed my innocence and wiped your dirty, grubby feet on my spirit.
God damn you !!!
Hope I never follow you to whatever Hell you’re going to, Karma’s a bitch. And you will know this pain, someday…three-fold.
Blaze, I am more anonymous to you, so I know you might feel anger if I were to say a few words as I would really know the pain. Still, I believe in the grace of our Blessed Mary esp in her nativity week, What if in our own tears blinded, we fail to see that it is we who are now destroying our spirit. I feel the pain but what if the other person had actually kicked the trash all over his soul and you in your innocence believe me art still beautiful in thy soul. You speak of Karma, hiding yourself perhaps you refused to meet a person God made for you, so he also stands barren. I know you must be really angry for me entering unasked into your space and write as if feelings can ever be understood or felt by another. Doc, believe me, your soul was never trampled upon, some of your posts did really light the dark caverns of my heart where I never ventured before, So God bless you and as for the scars, you loved love and love shalt not fail thee, someone might have but you gave true love and you shalt receive the same unasked. God Bless you.
ReplyDeleteP.s. If this is one of your pieces of writing and not feeling, I am sorry to mistake you for that, your writing is so true. forgive me, my friend to speak as If I know anything better:)God bless you